I know I’m bad at writing, but I thought I would at least get a decent grade on this. Out of 130 points, how many should it have gotten do you think (for a 9th grade student).
"Several computer technologies have and continue to drastically alter the world. The invention of the computer inspired future technological advances that change communication significantly. Ever since the invention of the World Wide Web in 1989, web-designers have designed software and websites that have made it possible for the average person to connect instantly with other people anywhere in the world. Specifically, Youtube, twitter, and Skype have allowed almost anyone with Internet access to become part of world wide communities. By bringing people into networks, these technologies have made it possible to know people more intimately across the globe.
Firstly, Skype has provided a completely new way to communicate with people anywhere in the world. Ever since being created in 2003, Skype has made it possible for almost anyone to make a video call across the world. Before the invention of Skype, it was nearly impossible to interact face-to-face over the web. Not only has Skype made it possible for friends to talk with each other, but it has also allowed business executives to hold meetings across the world without the need for travel. The ease of use and wide array of features have made Skype attractive to many of it’s users.
Additionally, Youtube has allowed people to connect by sharing videos online. Before the launch of Youtube in February of 2005, there was no easy way to view and post videos online. With its simple and elegant interface, the video sharing service made it possible for almost anyone with an Internet connection to view and post videos. With many of the videos on the site reaching tens of thousands of viewers, Youtube changed the way we think about connecting and sharing experiences across the web.
Finally, twitter has dramatically altered personal, business and political communication. twitter, the massive global social network, is truly the SMS service of the web. With an average of 65 million short messages, called Tweets, posted every day on twitter, average people and businesses alike can send and receive information within fractions of a second. Also, in many cases, breaking news stories have been posted on twitter thirty to forty minutes before they appear on television. twitter has given a voice to everyone with Internet access and allowed them to connect with friends and strangers all over the world.
Indubitably, these social networking tools have expanded communication possibilities for billions of people. By enabling face to face contact, sharing of videos and rapid information exchange, these technologies have completely changed our world. Allowing people to connect in virtual communities, these technologies have provided means for many different types of communication. Hopefully, web-designers will continue to bring state of art technologies to the forefront of cultural communication. Ultimately, these technologies dramatically affect our every day lives"
Darn, thats true. Good*
Comments
Hi T C,
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Your essay is perfectly formatted with great detail for the reader.
I would grade this with 130+.
Omit the word "Firstly". Just begin by stating the name, Skype. The only thing I would add to the Skype phrase, is to include the importance it has on political interaction between countries. It’s innovative and a more personal view how vital it’s usage is.
For the best conclusion made at the end, don’t use "Indubitably", although it’s perfect grammar, it’s best you use a simpler word (s) for your final introduction to this idea, such as, The effectiveness of…
or, The future in the world’s continued networking is undeniably the only rapid source of immediate communication through these social networking tools……..
Great job!
I’d say it’s very good, not very well.